bad medicine

I’ve been exchanging notes with a reader these past few days about the motility of his sperm. Here’s how the conversation started.

…However, my having to undergo the joy of producing a sperm sample provided us with hours of mirth. What kind of porn does a Catholic hospital provide to would be sperm producers, you may ask? Bottom shelf, bottom shelf. Wouldn’t you think that would be a place that might benefit from a copy of “Ready to Drop” or “Bulgin’ Bellies” or whatever it is they’re calling preggo fetish mags these days?

And, when pressed for details as to what could be found on the bottom shelf of this Catholic hospital, here’s what he had to say.

Blurry VHS tapes of some Playboy material, a Hustler magazine, and some innocuous and/or obscure porn titles, all well pawed over. A germ-phobic’s nightmare. Heck, maybe everyone’s nightmare. Very uninspiring.

So, anyway, that got me to thinking… And, now I’m wondering if hospital porn stashes might make a good theme for a photo essay, or perhaps even a coffee table book. Are any of you out there in the publishing world? If so, what do you think? Wouldn’t that be fascinating? Wouldn’t people be interested to see how different hospitals outfit their wanking rooms? I wonder if it’s different from state to state, region to region, country to country… I really think there’s potential here.

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7 Comments

  1. Tony Buttons
    Posted January 11, 2005 at 12:01 pm | Permalink

    I have a word of caution for anyone out there, like myself, who has heard of these masturbation rooms and thought, “Wow, what a great idea.” They are apparently for men undergoing fertility testing ONLY. I can’t stress that enough. Hospital personnel do NOT take kindly to people who just stop in to take advantage of their facilities. I know this for a fact.

  2. Monica
    Posted January 11, 2005 at 12:47 pm | Permalink

    If exploitive opportunity is what you are seeking it seems to me that distribution of fresh-yet-tasteful porn to hospitals and clinics is where the money is at, bro. Set it up and let me know when to quit my job to become your full-time distibutor.

  3. Posted January 11, 2005 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

    Count me in! I like to think of myself as a porn anthropologist. Need porn consulting?

  4. mark
    Posted January 11, 2005 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

    Yes, Monica, I think you’re right. This could be a big business. We could franchise it across the country. The Hospital Smut Corporation. Our delivery people could wear white outfits and black bowties and drive something like ice cream trucks….

    And, Steve, YES, I do need a porn consultant. Up-scale clothing stores have personal shoppers, so why can’t I have a personal porn consultant? How would it work, would you just send me a questionnaire to fill out, or is this the kind of thing where you

  5. chris
    Posted January 17, 2005 at 8:37 pm | Permalink

    All they need is a pc and a high speed connection. Most hospitals already have this but a pretty secure firewall setup to inhibit just this sort of traffic, but that can be circumvented

  6. Posted September 19, 2005 at 9:42 pm | Permalink

    its really good

  7. mark
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 9:52 pm | Permalink

    It’s nice to get non-sex-related spam for a change, so I’m going to let that one stay.

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