I need to talk with the technical folks here at MM.com to see if it’s possible, but I’m thinking that when we roll out the next version of the site, there should be a way for readers to hug me (for a price) using this new hug robot of mine. I’m thinking that we could have a big “hug mark” button at the top of the page that would be tied to a Paypal account, so that every time you touched it, it would transfer 99-cents to my account, and, of course, send me a much-needed hug. And, in the future, if you got a hug robot in your home, I could even hug back! (assuming there’s more money involved). I’m thinking that this could be big business. Who, after all, wouldn’t want to wake up every morning to a quick, limp, non-enthusiastic hug from a USB-enabled, torso-shaped robot-pillow controlled by a lonely, socially-retarded midwestern loser?
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I think we all know where you’re really headed with this, Maynard — the relentless mass-manipulation of America’s stay-at-home moms through networked i-vibes! Just try to deny it, you evil son-of-a-bitch!