republican national convention day one

I dont know what I was expecting from the Republicans. Maybe I thought that they had it in them to put on a decent show. (McCarthy, after all, was a pretty good showman, right?) Maybe I thought that just because they couldnt plan an occupation, it didnt mean that they couldnt program a few hours of interesting television. Well, apparently television programming is just one more thing that they cant manage The convention, to put it simply, sucks From the terrible alt rock (probably Christian) band that rose up out of the floor, to the over-the-top 9/11-themed presentation by actor Ron Silver, best known for his reoccurring role on the hilarious hit TV show Veronicas Closet, every single thing they tried fell flat.

Where the Democrats had Barack Obama delivering a moving speech about there being just one America, the Republicans had Ron Silver screaming:

The President is doing EXACTLY the right thing!

UHF stations have produced far better original programming… And the last time I saw computer graphics that looked that state-of-the-art, it was on a Texas Instruments calculator. Did you see the giant, pixilated elephant with the moving trunk? I bet they were fucking beside themselves with joy when they figured out how to get its truck to go up and down. That must have just blown them away during the rehearsals.

Somehow the Republicans have managed to take all the nuttiness of evangelical Christianity, and drain away all the showmanship. Theyve taken something bad and made it worse. Theyve made it boring What they needed was a little snake handling, some speaking in tongues, a wealthy man in a wheelchair leaping up and strutting around the stage after getting a tax cut. Now, that would have been a show.

I would go on and on, but its not worth it. Your time would better be spent exploring the sites Pleasure Captains for Truth and Cheerleaders for Truth than listening to me whine about the Republicans and their pathetic display of Im more American than you patriotism.

Some Republicans have apparently begun to see through the smoke and mirrors though. My friend Doug, who attended yesterdays march in New York, just wrote to tell me about a group of former Republican senators, governors, and public officials that took out a full page ad in the New York Times this morning to call for the GOP to abandon “partisan ideology” and return to mainstream pragmatism. And MoveOn is launching their new ad campaign today, focusing on Republicans who have made the switch to Kerry. (The ads might not get as much play in the media as the Swift Boat ones, but the timing is great and the message is perfect – “This is not the Republican party I know and love.”)

I know its probably really rotten and undemocratic of me, but I just suggested to someone in the comments section of this blog that she should invite all of her Republican relatives to a Food Poisoning Party the night before the election As much as Id feel terrible if she took my advice, I do kind of like the idea Maybe Ill post some recipes that incorporate tiny flecks of feces and the drippings of raw chicken, and a sample Bush Bash (aka Food Poisoning Party) invitation that folks can copy, if I get motivated.

OK, I have to go to bed now. As much as I wish it werent the case, I have to work tomorrow Oh, how I wish I was in New York, where people are being encouraged to take the day off. Instead, I have to get up in the morning and make my way though the hoards of newly arrived metrosexuals and soon to be girls-gone-wild, students who, for the most part, would rather spend their parents money on tanning booth sessions and chemical teeth whitening procedures than on gas money to get to New York for the protests. It is a depressing, fucking world, my invisible (some would say nonexistent) friends. Good night.

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