My old friend Jeff Kay called a few days ago He called long distance, in the middle of the day, so I knew it was important. As I looked at the screen of my cell-phone and saw it flashing the name Kay, I thought that maybe one of his coworkers had caught him blogging on the job, or that perhaps his sister-in-law, Nancy, had finally stumbled across one of his hilarious essays about her and her narcissistic, shower-fucking, banana-nostrilled husband… Fortunately, as I soon found out, there was no such crisis in the Surf Report compound, just a breaking news item Jeff felt that he absolutely had to share And that, my invisible friends, is how I came to find out about the dentist who was shooting syringes full of sperm into the mouths of his unknowing female patients and then telling them to swallow.
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