al goldstein and ann coulter go into this bar

I have very little time to blog tonight, but I just finished with my chores (walking the dog, applying salve to the tumor on her back, scrubbing out the cats litter box, scraping a dried hairball off the floor, doing four loads of shit-covered laundry, etc.) and I wanted to say, hello. I also wanted to ask why in the fuck more of you dont leave comments.

So, why in the fuck dont more of you leave comments?

I also wanted to ask if its true that Rick James and Julia Child died in each others arms. I think thats what I heard on the Today Show this morning, but Ive been so tired lately, and I havent had a chance to get on-line and check it out yet. I just hope it was carbon monoxide poisoning or something romantic like that. I dont want for it to have been another senseless crime of passion, a Romeo and Juilette kind of thing.

OK, there area a few other things that I wanted to mention before heading up to be serenaded by the blood-curdling shrieks of my lovely new daughter.

First, I wanted to know what you thought of the idea of having Al Goldstein, the scumbag former publisher of Screw magazine, guest-edit the upcoming issue of Crimewave. I just read in the New York Times that hes fallen on hard times and that hes looking for something to do. And, since Screw did give our magazine a good review once, I thought that maybe we could work together. (Thats true about the review, by the way.) Im not a fan of his or anything, but it sounds like he misses the publishing game, and the line in the article about him living behind a Boston Market restaurant in a borrowed car made me feel just terrible for the 68 year old man. I know hes despicable and all, but still I think Id like to help And Im sure it wouldnt hurt our circulation to throw in the occasional gynecological photo either. (The time Screw wrote about Crimewave, they mailed us a copy of the review. Theyd just torn that page out and stuffed it in an envelope. Well, right on the other side of our review there was an enormous vagina that Im hoping to god wasnt life size. It looked like an aerial shot of a poorly planned Appalachian strip-mining operation.)

Second, when Ann Coulter (and, yes, I do love following that last piece with something about Ann Coulter) dedicated a chapter in her most recent book to the defense of McCarthyism, I thought that the right had pretty much reached the rock bottom that addicts talk about. Apparently, however, I was wrong. Not one to be outdone by the likes of Ms. Coulter, conservative columnist Michell Malkin just came out with a book entitled, In Defense of Internment, in which she defends the illegal rounding up and imprisoning of Japanese Americans during World War II. (If you follow that link it will take you to a thoughtful discussion of the book by a man who once worked as Ms. Malkins fact-checker. Its really a great, thorough piece.) Me thinks that somewhere Ann Coulter must be starting work on a new book entitled, “Kennedy Deserved It.”

Third, and you can probably just file this away with the other nutty conspiracy theories, I just stumbled across a reference at the Suburban Guerilla site to a charge being made by a fellow named Andy Martin that the whole McGreevey gay sex scandal in New Jersey was an Israeli intelligence operation. I, of course, dont believe that, but I suppose that anything could be true these days. Heres a blurb from the referenced press release:

“The media have focused on the wrong blackmail scheme. This was not a sexual blackmail situation, although threats and demands have been made. ‘Gay sex’ is being used to conceal the real nature of the betrayal. This was a blackmail scheme intended to place Golan Cipel in a position of intense interest to Israeli intelligence.

“I am asking the U.S. Attorney for New Jersey to refocus his investigation into a breach-of-security investigation instead of a sex scandal.

“Based on my extensive experience with foreign intelligence agencies, I think you will see Mr. Cipel, who is now exposed by his non-official cover, on a plane back to Israel very soon.

“Gov. McGreevey was a ‘fool for love,’ but the root cause of his weakness was his mistaken belief that Cipel was a lover, when he was in fact Cipel was a trained intelligence asset trying to exploit McGreevey’s weakness to benefit Israeli security interests,” says Martin.

OK, Ive made a giant vagina joke, dropped Ann Coulters name, and implicated “the Jews” in a conspiracy involving homosexual espionage. Id say my work is done for the night Be sure to come back tomorrow for the finalists in the Mix A Drink with My Daughters Foot contest.

Good night, my invisible friends.

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One Comment

  1. Anonymous
    Posted August 17, 2004 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    I wouldnt have mentioned it had you not brought it up, but Ive often thought to myself that the number, quality and scale of the genitalia in Crimewave wasnt sufficient. Indeed, I have often found myself pasting photos of my own genitalia into the margins, just to help me make it though. So, in short, yes, I would like to see what old Mr. Goldstein does at the reigns. I welcome it.

    -Tony Buttons

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