family values and lots of lube

    A weblog by the name of Blog Active just outed Republican congressman Ed Schrock as a man-sex-loving hypocrite I havent tried yet (Im afraid that Linette will walk in and hear me listening to it), but you can apparently hear a tape of him on the phone to a gay phone line at the Blog Active site I didnt mention it, but Schrock had a perfect score with the Christian Coalition (meaning that he voted the way they wanted him to every time) and was one of the sponsors of the Defense of Marriage Act. Once the accusations came out, he promptly gave up his seat And, yes, Im aware of that pun.

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    rnc day two

    I missed it, but apparently some folks at the Republican National Convention last night were wearing band-aids in conspicuous places. Supposedly, you could see them in the audience, waving their band-aid-covered hands and elbows in front of the cameras. Apparently, its a little inside joke among the Republicans in New York, a little jab at Kerry for having sought medical attention for his superficial wounds during Vietnam… I suppose its hilarious in some circles that Kerry, that pussy, complained about the tiny little pieces of burning-hot metal flying through his flesh. Certainly, former male cheerleader, George Bush would have suffered though more pain without so much as a whimper if not for that fact that the Lieutenant Governor of Texas used force to keep him from enlisting.

    And, Id like to know, where were all the delegates at the Democratic National Convention who were running around with tiny cocaine straws dangling from their noses? Surely there were some. Surely, the Republicans cant have all the assholes on their side.

    I didnt mention it last night, but Rudy Giuliani claimed, from the RNC pulpit, that one of his first thoughts after the World Trade Centers were attacked was, Thank God George Bush is President. Clearly, thats a lie, and it sickens me that hed agree to take the rhetoric to such extremes in order to more tightly interweave 9/11 and the Bush presidency. Giuiliani didnt think for a moment, in those first minutes, about Bush or his response. He thought about the people jumping out of the buildings to the pavement around him and he thought about what might happen next. He thought about the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, and Wall Street. He thought about biological weapons. He was thinking about his city and what had to be done in order to keep control. He was not, Im quite sure, thinking, Were so lucky that we have George Bush to protect us. To claim such a thing is beyond belief. And, the fact that some people will believe it makes me want to leave this planet.

    So, with all of those things in mind, I wanted to watch Schwarzeneggers address tonight. Try as I might, however, I just couldnt make it. I didnt even get close. After watching Bill Frist promising a freer America under Bush, I moved my chair to the other side of the room. (Freer than what, I wondered. Freer during his second administration than during his first? Doesnt that imply that were not so free right now?) Then, from across the room, I heard a former reality-tv personality talking about how president Bush was very much against breast cancer, implying, I suppose, that Kerry was all for it… With this, I headed toward the TV to shut it off, but, in the process of doing so, I heard George Bush in a prerecorded ad spot say of his wife, She loves reading, and that perhaps the most important reason to vote for him this November is so that Laura Bush can be the first lady for another four years Dumbfounded, I decided to keep watching. I then dropped to the couch and listened to an impassioned defense of Bushs tax cuts and all about how they would allow all of us watching to create legacy wealth. (Im sure the people working at Wal-Mart appreciate that.) That same fellow then said, under Bush our children are learning again. (Was there a period under Clinton when kids didnt have to go to school?) And then, ultimately, he said, you cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. And thats when I got up to turn off the TV. Someone else will have to let me know how Arnold did. All the nonsense just wore me down like kryptonite. I cannot believe that they can get away with this.

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      remember to laugh

      Every once in a while Im reminded just how fucking funny my friend Jeff is. Sometimes its something incredibly insightful and witty that he says, but more often its just something very simple and straightforward, like his post today on high school… You might not believe me when I tell you this, but its true – Jeffs West Virginia Surf Report site is the closest thing that we in America have to a modern Andy Griffith show Anyway, believe me or not, I think youll find this little paragraph a welcome diversion from the other nonsense that I drag out and nail to the wall every day.

      My biggest accomplishment during four years of French classes came in ninth grade. A girl showed up one day wearing a t-shirt with a French saying written across the chest. The teacher said, “Jeff, can you tell us what Shawn’s shirt says today?” When I said no, she exploded. “Why not??” she spat, along with a little venom. “Too bumpy,” I said, and the whole class erupted in sustained laughter. Other than that, I didn’t take much away from four years of French instruction.

      Maybe its just due to everything else going on in the world, or my lack of sleep, or my desire to look at bumpy high school t-shirts, but I found that funny as hell, and it makes me want to go into the other room and start digging through the 20-some hours of comedy footage that he and I shot in San Francisco a few years ago I just know theres hilarious stuff in there, but I cant bring myself to face the task of creating art from such a huge, ugly, imposing block of marble.

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      the party of god

      I sat and watched the Republican National Convention for three hours last night and, Im ashamed to say, I didnt realize that theyd been using a pulpit (complete with a cross) for a podium until I checked out the comments section at the Eschaton site tonight. Apparently, everyone noticed it but me… I remember sitting on the couch and thinking how nice the woodwork was, but somehow it didnt register as a cross. Now that I look at it though, its so fucking obvious. And the blood red sky really helps to drive home the apocalyptic fear everything message, doesnt it?

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      mm.com exclusive…. bush to read about pet goat at convention

      I have a very reliable informant inside the Republican National Committee who tells me that Bush plans to take the stage at the convention Wednesday night, position himself in a tiny chair, and then read a story about a small pet goat, all while images of the 9/11 attacks unfold in real-time behind him… From what I have heard, the rehearsals have been spectacular.

      And to think, they want to make leadership the cornerstone of this campaign (or at least the part of the campaign that’s not being fought in the mud, by shell organizations like the Flotilla of Douche-Bags.)

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