things are looking up

Hey, did you hear the good news? Apparently all of Bushs bold initiatives over the past few years really are creating jobs Unfortunately, most of them are with al-Qaida.

So, I felt well enough this morning to crawl out of bed, fire up the computer, and begin catching up on the news, and whats the first thing I read? Al-Qaida has apparently grown to 18,000 potential terrorists scattered around the world.

George Bush was better for al-Qaida than the Wheres the Beef? campaign was for Wendys. Mark Maynard, 2004

I also saw a neat little piece of reporting on Ford F-150 crash tests and how they compare to those of other, smaller vehicles, like the Mini Cooper I hate to give it all away, but apparently you get to keep your legs if you hit a wall going 40 miles-per-hour in a Mini Cooper. The same cannot be said for the F-150.

Somehow, however, the thing that depressed me the most was this article from the New Yorker on all the bloggers with book deals. I can accept the fact that were losing the War on Terror, and I can accept the fact that American automakers are incompetent assholes, but I cannot accept the fact that my fellow bloggers are moving past me in this quest for meaningless acceptance. That really makes me bitter.

Im going back to bed now.

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sorry

My hearts just not in it tonight. Maybe its my cold. Maybe Im just in a bad mood. Or, maybe Ive just lost my interest in blogging As Im sitting here, looking at the screen though, I cant think of a single thing that I want to say.

Theres lots that I could write about like Bushs plummeting approval ratings and his desperate attempt to stop them, my dad falling off of his chair with a thud during our most recent baby shower, the fact that a friend of mine in Cincinnati made it through the last cut in this years Project Greenlight scriptwriting competition, or that my aunt just helped me to trace one branch of my family tree back to England in 1655 Its not that Im wanting for material. I just dont feel obsessed by the need to share any of it.

I think maybe its time for a vacation from blogging.

I may change my mind tomorrow, but right now thats what Im thinking about.

Here, before I go, though, is a ridiculous quote from the Reuters coverage of tonights primetime speech by President Bush.

He said one of the “unintended” consequences of Baghdad’s swift fall more than a year ago was that “elite guards shed their uniforms and melted into the civilian population” only to reorganize, re-arm and adopted “sophisticated terrorist tactics.”

So, let me see if Ive got this right – its not that weve been unsuccessful, its that weve been too successful. If it had just taken us a little more time to win the war, we wouldnt be in the situation were now in How fucking stupid is that? And how na�e is it to think that the only resistance our people are seeing in Iraq is from members of the former Iraqi military?

OK, maybe it doesnt really fit in here, but might I suggest that we start a nationwide movement to draft the daughters of George Bush?

Im tired and I just have ten minutes to go until my oxygen gets shut off. (Thats how Im enforcing my new curfew.) As of right now, it doesnt look like Ill be going to work tomorrow (as I type this, my right hand is webbed with snot and Im coughing like an end-stage tuberculosis patient). If thats the case, you might see me show up here at MM.com. I know I said that Id probably be taking some time off, but tomorrows a new day.

Goodnight.

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a legal remedy will be sought

I dont see the resemblance, but another blogger, my friend(?) Steve Cherry, seems to think that I look like this guy. Although I think he looks quite manly and dashing, my guess is that Steve had intended for this to be an insult… and I will not stand being insulted.

For those who care about such things, I still have a cold… And being both sick and mocked on the same day is no fun.

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now we just need to have the baby

Linette and I had another baby shower on Saturday. This one was at my parents house in Kentucky. Id like to tell you all about it, but I must have hugged a sick relative or something. Right now, it feels like someones thrown a handful of glass dust down my throat. Here are some photos though. Hopefully, theyll be enough to get you to tomorrow.

Photo 1: My moms aunt Marilyn, who drove down from Wisconsin with her daughter Liz, examines some of my old baby pictures.

Photo 2: Linette and I show a few of the several dozen duck-themed baby clothes that we received.

Photo 3: Blackbirds fill a dead tree in my parents backyard, where theyve congregated to feed on cicadas.

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my stupid new rules

I narrowly escaped a prostate exam this afternoon and Id like to tell you all about it, but its getting close to 11:00 and I still have work that needs to get done Shit, I also want to tell you about the big police bust I saw and the deer I almost ran into while jogging Why is it that my life suddenly got exciting when I decided to blog less? Maybe I should coin a phrase for that or something… like “Maynard’s Law.”

Maynard’s Law – The less you blog, the more you have to blog about.

(Oh, since I only got to blog for five minutes tonight, Ill be carrying over 55 extra minutes into the weekend!)

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