the exploding penis and other practical jokes

OK, last night I mentioned that The Ann Arbor Paper chose not to run my cartoon on circumcision. In the process of telling that story, I shared one panel from the cartoon in question. In that panel, I made mention of the fact that Id never really seen an uncircumcised cock. Little did I realize that by mentioning that fact Id be throwing open the floodgates to a veritable tidal wave of sheathed cock Polaroids and riveting firsthand reviews of smegma (the most misunderstood of the soft, creamy skin-grown cheeses).

….Well, as much as I’ve enjoyed all of this, Id like to ask that you all stop now.

So, please stop typing that list of all the uncircumcised dicks youve seen, sucked or otherwise had occasion to stumble across. Im moving on to other things now.

…Wait, before I go, heres a note from a schoolteacher in New York on the subject of my being censored.

i’m writing from school… you will be happy to know your comic was censored AGAIN – at my school, when I look at your website, yesterday’s post has a huge warning saying “Access Denied The requested document, http://www.markmaynard.com/blog.html, will not be shown. Reason: DDR score = 52. This page will not be displayed because it contains prohibited words or it has exceeded its tolerance of questionable words. ” congratulations on being censored by the NYC Dept of Ed. and on your DDR score of 52. Whatever that is.

Can someone tell me what a DDR score is, and whether or not my 52 is on a 100-point scale? And what is the tolerance of questionable words? Did I finally exceed my per-day cock quota? Was yesterdays post the straw that broke the camels cock-laden back?

Oh, one last thing on penises, before we move on, I saw a headline a few days ago in the news that read, Penis Explodes During Sex, and it made me wonder arent penises supposed to explode during sex? If not, Ive been doing something really wrong these past few years.

On that note, I will wish you all sweet dreams. Im going upstairs now to read the transcript of Kerry on Meet the Press and the highlights from Bob Woodwards appearance of 60 Minutes.

Heres a quick clip from that piece about Woodwards new book on how we came to be at war with Iraq:

In his book, Woodward describes Cheney as a “powerful, steamrolling force obsessed with Saddam and taking him out.”

“Colin Powell, the secretary of state, saw this in Cheney to such an extent, he, Powell, told colleagues that Cheney has a fever. It is an absolute fever. Its almost as if nothing else exists, says Woodward, who adds that Cheney had plenty of opportunities to convince the president.

As long as Im quoting stuff, heres something from an article in todays New York Times on the subject of blogging for bucks.

Henry Copeland, founder of BlogAds, a service that provides classified advertising for Web logs, is even more confident. He predicted that blogs that are making $5,000 a month will be making five or six times that a year from now. Soon, advertisers will be able to say “I want to buy ads on 25 different Web logs in Southern California written by women who drive humvees,” and have the perfect audience at their fingertips, he said.

So, what do you think the chances are that theres a mohel out there whos looking to tap into the midwestern Obsessive Compulsive market?

OK, Id like to keep writing, but I need to go upstairs now.

Goodnight, my invisible friends.