Something just terrible happened this evening as I was introducing a speaker at the local Rotary Club you see, the fellow that I was sharing the stage with reached over quite innocently at one point and touched my groin. Well, at that very moment, I think my wardrobe must have malfunctioned. I heard a very loud pop, and, when I looked down, I noticed that my right testicle was completely exposed.

Can I tell you a little secret? We had it planned. The Rotary Club, although theyre distancing themselves from me now, were in on it from the very beginning. In fact

OK, Ive decided to stop this little fiction writing exercise now, before I conjure up the image of my dangling testicle again.

Now, let me just say this on the subject of Janet Jacksons boob.

The folks at CBS, Viacom, and MTV knew damned well that she was planning to show a boob. She fucking had jewelry on it!

People dont just fucking bejewel their nipples for their own private satisfaction.

And, unless youre an exotic dancer or a nursing mother, you just dont wear clothes with breakaway boob shields.

So, in conclusion, the fact that people are even debating whether or not it was an accident just speaks to the fact that we live in a nation of morons.

So, the next time you wonder how it could be that well over 50% of Americans believe Iraq had something to do with the 9-11 attacks, just remember that a majority of people actually believe Justin Timberlakes version of events. Here, in case you havent heard, is what he had to say in his statement to the press:

“I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance of the Super Bowl. It was not intentional and is regrettable.”

First off, the guy would have done anything after his former girlfriend, Britney Spears, made the international news for sharing an open-mouthed kiss with skanky, old Madonna last year. If MTV had wanted him to, he would have performed oral sex on Tito Jackson.

OK, Ive decided that Ive spent enough time on this now. Let me just say in conclusion that human beings squandered a great opportunity here on Earth and that we deserve every bad thing that is about to happen to us. (I think Ill conclude all of my posts that way from now on.)

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