big news

Ive got something to announce. I wanted to do it in a more grand kind of way, but Im afraid that if I put it off any longer it wont happen, so Im just going to do it.

As of 9:57 this evening, Collin Burton, Chelsea Lowe and David Smallwood have been promoted to the level of Senior Associate here at

While has almost a half dozen dedicated readers now, a good number of whom are quite articulate and accomplished, Collin, Chelsea and David have distinguished themselves from the others by consistently going above and beyond whats been asked of them. Each of them has not only become a fixture on this site, with their contributions of anecdotes, photos and drawings, but successfully made the jump from the cyber word to the real flesh and blood world in the pages of Crimewave USA. Now, like tiny pinworms, they are burrowing their way deep into this flabby, slowly beating heart of mine.

This website is better for their involvement and I am a better man for knowing them.

So, in conclusion, let me say this. John Kerry can have his band of brothers. Id prefer the company of this ragtag bunch.

Congratulations on the promotions.

Actually, Im not really sure yet what this designation of Senior Associate means. I was just sitting here the other day and I realized that these three individuals had crossed over from the web to my real life. By that I mean that each of them now has his or her own dedicated file in my big, silver filing cabinet. I have exchanged real letters and cards with each of them. Each of them has contributed to the magazine. (Mr. Smallwood even sent a photo of he and his wife-to-be stuffed into some kind of garbage chute.)

Perhaps emboldened by the hundreds of gay and lesbian couples coming forward to file for marriage licenses, I just thought that now was a good time to publicly declare by love, respect and admiration.

And tomorrow I will announce the three people who had their files taken away to make room for Collin, David and Chelsea.

Actually, that last part was just a joke. No one was demoted. All of my old friends, from the days, still have their files intact (although, some have been cleansed).

In all seriousness though, I would really like to thank Chelsea, David and Collin. Theyve each been reading this site for a long time and theyve each contributed a hell of a lot toward making it better, whether it be though their letters, their drawings, their photos or the bits of interesting news that they pass along And I do think its really cool that each of them has now been sucked into the world of Crimewave USA.

I ate too many peanuts tonight while watching my reality TV marathon and I think that they gave me a headache. I need to go to bed now I just hope that I dont have nightmares about the green underpants man and Richard Perle. (I wonder if they could be one in the same.)

If you can believe this, heres a clip from an article in todays paper about Ricahrd Perle.

Richard Perle, a chief proponent of last year’s U.S. invasion of Iraq, yesterday called for the chiefs of the Central Intelligence Agency and the U.S. Defence Intelligence Agency to step down because of their faulty conclusions that Saddam Hussein possessed mass-killing weapons.

We are clearly through the looking glass. Do you believe that shit? He berates American intelligence officials in the run-up to the war for being too conservative in their estimates of Iraqi chemical and biological weapons, and now that the wars over hes suggesting that we blame those same people for being too aggressive. Does this country no longer have a long-term memory?

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