the patriot missile

As I mentioned earlier, Ive been cleaning house today. More specifically, Ive been cleaning my office, which has become dangerously packed with found objects, scraps of paper and my so-called works of art. Ive been meaning to do it since December 24th, but Ive been putting it off. Now that Im less than 24 hours from my next workday, I had to do something about it. So, here I am, looking around and trying to decide what I can part with.

Heres the first item. I guess youd call it a male thong. It was a wedding gift from our friend Cayge. Id like to think that it goes without saying that its never been worn. Even if Id wanted to try it on (which I havent), theres no way that Linette would stand for it. She wouldnt even hold it up so that I could snap a photo. I had to hang the thing from one of our filing cabinets while I took the photo with my other free hand.

So, it has to leave. My question for you is, How? I was just going to throw it up on Ebay, but Linette suggested that I give it away to an reader. If I set up a contest of some kind, would any of you participate? Or, is the thought of winning just too grotesque to contemplate?

Heres what Im thinking. How about some kind of contest having to do with patriotism? It is, after all, a stars and stripes design. Actually, for all I know, it may actually be made from a real flag. (Would it be in bad taste for me to put it on Ebay and claim that it was made from a flag that flew over Ground Zero?) How about a poem about how the thong would make you a better American. No, I have a better idea. Who ever has the best idea as to where it can be left with get it. Just send in your idea by Friday afternoon. Give it some thought. Impress me.

(note: While I can say with some degree of certainly that I have never worn this item, I cannot say the same about Cayge, the fellow who gave it to me. I would ask him, but hes presently incommunicado in south Florida, getting started in the smoothie stand business.)

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