my folks

Last week, after my parents discovered this blog, I put a photo of my mom and dad up here on the site, along with a note asking for some of you to write letters to them on my behalf, defending this blog, etc. Quite a few of you sent in very nice, thoughtful notes. For that, I am appreciative. One of you, however, took the opportunity to turn the table on my parents. A young reader by the name of Dave went all “CSI” on their photograph, pulling out little details that he thought would give me insight into their lives, just as this blog of mine has given them insight into my life. Heres the letter I just received from Dave.

Dear Mark,

As a regular reader of your blog, I was moved by your chronicle of the discovery of your blog by your parents. Revealing yourself honestly to the people responsible for your existence can be distressing. What if they don’t like who you turned out to be? But, before you go stripping your next blog entry of all mention of poop touching and ball shaving, remember that that parent/child dynamic cuts both ways. Parents revealing themselves honestly to their adult children might be distressing too. What if your kids don’t like who you really are? In fact, it could be so distressing that your parents might do everything they can to make you think they are simple hard working people with no vices. Nothing but 100% all-American patriots. When in reality they are… pot smoking Egyptian god worshipers into light bondage!!

Mark, I submit to you the following:

I was feeling empathetic toward you after I read your post. And I was gazing at that photo of such a loving, good-humored couple sitting in their living room when suddenly I noticed something. I thought, “Wait just a cotton pickin’ second. If I didn’t know these were upstanding people, I’d swear that’s a Silencer 9000 Thin Strap Ball Gag on the window sill.” I fired up my digital image enhancing software, well, you can see for yourself what I found.

It’s hard to know whether they set this camera shot up on purpose hoping you’d discover their little secret because it was too difficult to find the words to tell you directly. Or maybe it happened unconsciously–they just happened to leave their stuff lying around and both thought that particular corner would make a lovely spot for a photo to send to their son. Either way, the curtain has been pulled aside and you guys are on the way to a much more honest relationship. And that is just so heartwarming to me.

I think I’m going to call my mom right now and tell her about my little fetish and the website I run on the side. I’ll bet I can work things out with them.

Wow. Thanks to the Maynards, I think its going to be the best New Years ever!

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Maynard!

Your friend,


Of course, this was a joke. My parents really are good people, and, as far as I know, they don’t use drugs, worship Egyptian gods or do any of these other distasteful things… I am, however, concerned about this Dave fellow.

Happy New Year!

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