in too deep

OK, Linette and I need some help. Ive never asked any of you for help before, and I dont do this lightly. We really need help though.

Did you know that you only need one kidney?

Actually, we dont need any organs. What we need is much more painful for me to ask for We need your help building a rudimentary structure.

We need to build four walls and connect them at the corners.

As a man, I should know how to do something this simple, but I dont. I spent a great deal of time helping my dad do things like this when I was younger, but I guess I didnt pay any attention. Or, maybe I just blocked it all out, like a painful memory. (Maybe I should go to a hypnotist and see if they can unlock all the things my dad taught me about construction and cars. Maybe that would be a good idea for a Crimewave article I need to make a note of that.)

So, heres the story as to how Linette and I got into this situation

And, no, we didnt burn down our house. Its not that tragic. Its not like we have to build a new structure to live in before the first snowfall.

Linette and I decided a few months ago to join a group of artists here in Ypsi who were coming together to create studio spaces in an old warehouse. The idea, in the abstract, was very appealing. We went in, we checked out the space, we said wed like to be a part of it, and then we left. Actually, we wrote a check before we left. The check was for our portion of the rent for two months. That was about four of five months ago now. Since then, the whole project has been bogged down in red tape. The city got involved, building inspectors were sent out and we stopped thinking about it We thought that there was a pretty good chance that it would never happen.

Well, we just got a call. The building now has its certificate of occupancy and were expected to move in and start build out our space. Thats where the problem starts.

Heres the space, or at least our part of it:

Weve got 250 square feet, and, this weekend, were expected to start building walls around it.

OK, Ill make this fast as Ive got to go upstairs and start reading my Home Depot book the crash course on being a man.

Linette and I would like to know if any of you have access to scrap lumber, or perhaps even work at a lumberyard (like our dear friend Kristen), where you can get us a good deal on some 2x4s, drywall, plywood, etc. I havent done the math yet, but I think the space is 17 by 14 and we need to build all four walls. The building inspector has mandated that we put studs every two feet, and the walls have to be 8 tall or taller. (And I thought that Id never see a math puzzle like this in real life.)

So, that means we need to build 62 of wall. That means thirty-one eight foot 2x4s, plus enough to run across the tops and the bottoms of the frames, and in between the studs. So, Im guessing that 40 2x4s should do it.

As for drywall, or plywood, or whatever we get to cover the walls, we need enough to do the inside of the room. The outside, were told, can be anything we want it to be, as long as its not terribly flammable. (Linette and I wanted to build the outside of chicken-wire and paper-mache, but we were told that probably wouldnt pass code. We had something Dr. Suessian in mind, something with huge turrets that went twenty feet up into the rafters.)

So, thats the deal. Linette and I need to somehow get all our supplies together, lash them to the top of the little Honda hybrid, and make our way down there on Saturday. If youre around and want to give us a hand, let me know. If you have suggestions as to where we can get cheap materials, or, better yet, a place where we can salvage them from, let me know. As these walls are just temporary (the whole building is going to be torn down by the city in one year), it doesnt have to be great. We dont have to use kiln-dried, pristine lumber. We just need something that we can drive nails into.

So, if you do want to come out and help, well buy beer. It wont be good beer, and there may not be much of it, but well have it.

Shit, and I guess weve got to build a fucking door into the thing too! Somehow, that hadnt dawned on me. (Im glad I decided to take the time to plan this out tonight. I wouldnt want to be trapped in the thing on Saturday with no exit strategy. (Sound familiar?))

OK, if you have an extra door, let me know. Or, a window. It would be cool to have a window too So, give me a call if you have an old window or door that you arent using, or a wall.

As for the space, Linette and I plan to paint in it. Weve got an art show coming up in February and we want to create some new stuff for it. I might also try to construct a small TV studio, depending on how ambitious I get. Ive had this idea in my mind for a talk show for some time now, and this would be the perfect place for it.

Im sure Ill be going on and on about this space for the next year, so I wont bore you with any more now. Do let me know if you have any leads on materials though.

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