alone in ypsi

Linettes out at the bar with her writing group and Im sitting here at the kitchen table, petting the dog and alternating my attention between the transcript of yesterdays Democratic debate and a list of questions that were supposed to answer for the Ann Arbor Paper. Theyve given Linette and me this list of ten questions to answer about Crimewave (for a piece they want to run next week) and theyre hard. They arent really that difficult in and of themselves, its just hard to answer them with any degree of wit and charm Believe it or not, wit and charm do not come to the men of the Maynard family naturally. (You’ll see this illustrated later in this post.)

So, thats what Im doing When Im not doing that, Im worrying about Christmas shopping. You see, Linette and I buy almost everything on the Discover card. (Bear with me. Im going somewhere with this.) Id say 90% of everything we buy we buy with the Discover card. We do that because for every dollar we charge on Discover, we get a few cents back. Anyway, the last few Christmases we got into the habit of getting all of these bonus dollars in the form of Borders gift certificates, and thats how weve been buying a majority of our presents. So, we were planning to do the same thing this year.

We told Discover to send us all of these gift certificates, and theyre sitting here on the table right in front of me as I type this almost $200 worth.

So, a little while ago I learn that Borders is being picketed by their workers for unfair labor practices. Now, Im kind of stuck in this spot where I have to cross a picket line to do my holiday shopping. I suppose its not a huge deal, but it bothers me. Its not that Im necessarily worried about getting beaten up by an irate man/boy from the childrens literature nook I guess I just dont want to hurt anyones feelings.

Actually, thats not quite true. I dont really mind hurting their feelings, I just mind that they know its me hurting their feelings. Its the eye contact that Im afraid of.

So, thats why Im sitting here, thinking about disguises. Fortunately, Ive finally come to a decision Slightly Hispanic Auto Mechanic with Polio.

I have enough guilt tonight as it is I just made Linette stop Angles in America so that I could watch Survivor. How pathetic is that?

Im a disgusting human being. I am the most terrible Slightly Hispanic Auto Mechaic with Polio that there is.

In unrelated news, today is my mothers birthday. This is the note my father sent out to my sister and me this morning:

FYI, and happy birthday to your mother love DAD

On Dec. 11, 1941, Germany and Italy declared war on the United States; the U.S. responded in kind.

I guess he’s equating my mom’s birthday with the Nazi play for global domination. As whacky as it is, it kind of reminds me of one of my MM.com entries. I guess maybe thats where I get my “talent” from.

And, lastly, I wanted to thank all of you whove been placing orders from the Crimewave store for your holiday gifts. Its very much appreciated You, my invisible friends from the internet, are good people… no matter what everyone in my “real” life says.

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