This posting may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met, but kindly consider the message, because, I am determined to live for posterity.
I wish to plead with you to join me in not only serving humanity, but to also benefit in the process. This message could be strange but reality will definitely dawn on you, if you pay some attention to its contents. Please accept my sincere apologies. In bringing this message to you, I have to say that I have no intention of causing you any personal pains or discomfort. I am Mr. Jonson Tubman, Personal Assistant to the Mark Maynard, the editor of this blog, publisher of Crimewave USA magazine, and man about town.
Mr. Maynard, who is facing the fight of his life with rebels who want to overthrow his magazine, Crimewave USA. The heroic Mr. Maynard, in his bid to fend-off rebel insurgency, and since he could no longer trust the army of contributors, confidentially put in my care, a giant box of Ypsipanties in one instance for the purpose of purchasing arms and ink should the need arise. But unfortunately, the need did not arise as he is going into exile.
I deposited these beautiful, sexy and comfortable Ypsipanties in a trunk box in a secret location and just the two of us knew about it, and I could not get in touch with any panty dealer before the handsome publisher was indicted in a libel tribunal set up by the Federation of Magazine Arts. I have since held on to this trunk box, which I was able to transport out of Ypsilanti with the aid of peacekeeping soldiers under the guise of conveying my personal effects without anybody knowing, to a security deposit company.
I am presently in Nairobi, where I now work as a consultant on inter-regional co-operation on poultry farming. I have borne the burden for too long. I do not want to keep these wonderfully designed panties any longer, but I can never turn them over to the brutal and tyrannical rogue regime of Mr. Maynard’s traitorous wife, Linette Lao, who is still committing all sorts of atrocities on the Ypsilantian people. I am NOT solicitng for your help to wage a war against her publishing regime, but to act as a foreign partner, to allow me transfer the panties to you, and YOU, in turn, would donate a portion of the panty sales as a humanitarian gesture to the poor and dirty people of Ypsilanti by purchasing such essential needs like blankets, milk and malt liquor, water-pumping machines and agricultural equipment, from the money after deducting your expenses and the commission of 20%.
Please note that I could have approached the Panty Division of the Red Cross Society, but I changed my mind on that after calculating what they would deduct as commission, and also, after rationalising the scandal that followed their mismanagement of the donations meant for the victims of the September 11th attack on the United States.
Also note that this offer will give you a double-edged advantage :
1. as the benefactor of the readers of Crimewave and;
2. the comission you stand to earn.
On getting a positive response from you, I will send to you the secret access codes to the funds and the security and vault company. Please note that confidentiality and honesty are fundamental rules in this transaction. Be assured that I am a reputable personality in this country and I am mindful of the legal implications of this transaction, as I intend taking care of all the legal documentations for a successful and hitch-free transaction. You will be expected to take delivery of this large crate of panties personally from the deposit company in Paw Paw, Michigan.
I am therefore soliciting your assistance to have this money collected by you and/or facilitate the transfer into your nominated account(s). ***PLEASE NOTE THAT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSACTION IS HIGHLY REQUIRED. I will give you the details of this transaction receipt of your response to this proposal. Thank you very much for your time and understanding.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Jonson Tubman
