empire building

    Over the past few days, Ive been alluding to a clothing related project that Linette and I have in the works. Well, Im ready to talk about it now As of yesterday afternoon, the first two items of what were calling our Lets Wear Clothes clothing line, have been available for sale at Henrietta Fahrenheit, a great store here in Ypsilanti that caters to those folks much more hip and the stylish than yours truly. Linette and I have been selling copies of Crimewave there for the past six months or so, and weve been planning to make the jump over to other products, products that dont necessarily require such an investment in terms of time and attention or even the ability to read.

    We decided to start our Lets Wear Clothes line with two items, both of which would, among other things, serve to further glorify the wonderful town of Ypsilanti, the place where we call home.

    The first item is a t-shirt depicting a young Iggy Pop standing in front of Ypsilantis best-known landmark, the phallic water tower that marks the entrance to downtown. The shirt says, in my distinctive scrawl, Iggy Pop was born in Ypsilanti. (Linette created the image.)

    It could be argued that Ypsilanti was the birthplace not only of Iggy Pop, but of punk rock itself… I want for that to be recognized and celebrated. Not enough people know that. And, those who do know it, dont seem to appreciate how truly significant that it is. Ive often said it, but, if I were Mayor of this insane and wonderful little town, my first order of business would be to fly Iggy Pop in and give him the key to our city, the city in which he grew up.

    Ypsilanti has a long history of nurturing genius. From early animator Windsor McKay to Preston Tucker, the inventor of the car with three headlights, Ypsilanti has continued to churn out visionaries who felt as though they could change the world. Iggy Pop is the one were starting with.

    Actually, Im not so sure that Iggy has fond memories of growing up here. Perhaps genius wasnt so much nurtured as it was forced. Thats what I want to interview him about (see my last few posts on the subject). I want to find out to what extent this town of ours can claim responsibility for shaping him, and thus the course of music in the post-Elvis world. Hes said before that living in the trailer he grew up in, near the interstate, with its thin walls, he absorbed the sounds of trucks, and the droning of machinery in the shops nearby. Certainly that industrial drone of Ypsilanti found its way into his music, but there must be other things. Was it the boredom of this small town that drove him to rock-and-roll in the first place? Thats the kind of stuff that I want to talk with him about. (The folks at Virgin Records, by the way, tell me that theyre working on it.)

    Anyway, the first item is the Iggy Pop was born in Ypsilanti shirt. Heres a photo of our bloody-eyed model wearing one. (It comes in red, light blue and grey.)

    The second item is something that came to me in a dream over a year ago. It is the Ypsipanty, the most comfortable, utilitarian, everyday panty in the world One thousand years of panty-wearing has led us up to this point, my friends.

    The Ypsipanty will redefine panty-wearing as we know it.

    It truly is the panty of the future.

    Linette is wearing a pair now, and she loves them Hold on a second, Im going to ask her for a quote.

    Theyre nice. I never want to take them off. Linette Lao

    Our advertising slogan for these may be, Like a Magazine for Your Ass. Were not sure what that means, but we like it, and it kind of makes the connection as to why the publishers of Crimewave USA magazine would get into the business of panty-selling.

    Here are a few images of the Ypsipanty. Enjoy them.

    You probably dont know this, but Ypsilanti was, at the turn of the century, a well-known underwear capital. Thats a fact. The Ypsilanti Underwear Factory was famous for its long underwear and other intimate apparel. Their slogan, Never Rip, Never Tear, Ypsilanti Underwear, was known the world over With the Ypsipanty, Linette and I are trying to bring that panty prestige back to Ypsilanti.

    They Ypsipanty comes in brown, light blue and black.

    Presently, sizes for both items, the Iggy Pop was born in Ypsilanti t-shirt and the Ypsipanty, are limited. The shirts come in Youth Large, Adult Medium and Adult Large. The Ypsipanties come in one size only. Im told they fit women who wear dress sizes 6 through 10. My hope is that these sizes will cover a great majority of you. If you should, however, fall outside of these parameters, let me know and Ill see what I can do. Ive already started a list of XL and XXL customers who want to purchase the shirt.

    Now then, do you want to see a man with a bloody eye beg? Is that what you want?

    OK.

    It would mean a great deal to me if each and every one of you out there in the reading audience would dig into your purses and billfolds and purchase at least one of the items described above.

    Follow this link to order your very own Iggy Pop was born in Ypsilanti t-shirt or Ypsipanty.

    how could you do that to freeda?
    In related news, Linette and I invested all of our dog food money in t-shirts and panties. As a result, Freeda, our sweet, beloved dog, has not eaten in the past two days.

    I dont want to put any undo pressure on you, but unless you buy an Ypsipanty or an Iggy Pop was born in Ypsilanti t-shirt, she will not eat today either As soon as money comes in to our Paypal account, however, well rush out and buy her some kibble. The choice is yours to make.

    So, please, for Freeda, consider buying something right now.

    Heres a photo of Freeda. As youll notice, she is already weak and frail

    So, wont you please reconsider and buy something?

    OK, that wasnt too funny. Im sorry I was thinking of creating an elaborate contraption and hooking it up to the computer. It would have been like a funnel filled up with dog food, with lots of wires and blinking lights on it. A long tube would go from the funnel into a little cage, where Id have Freeda. Every day, I would post photos of her, being fed, or not being fed, through the tube, as people either bought or didnt buy our products. I think it would have been brilliant, but the ASPCA would have come and taken her away. Im sure I would have had lots of viewers though. (Of course, I would have fed her regardless and I would only put her in the little cage while taking photos.) It would have been even better if Linette and I had a child. Its times like these that I really wish we did. Can you picture a little three year old, dressed in rags, inside a filthy cage thats hooked up to a computer? Every purchase that comes in, a little pellet of food would come shooting out of the tube. Its fucking brilliant. Wed all be rich.

    back to business
    OK, funs over. Buy a fucking shirt and panty set. Do it.

    Believe me when I tell you that you wont be sorry. Youll be supporting this site and, indirectly, youll be supporting the local bartenders of Ypsilanti, Michigan. Linette and I have vowed to pump 10% of whatever we make back into the local economy through our purchase of adult beverages.

    Seriously, Ypsis a great town and we love it here. Nothing would make us happier than to get the message out across the U.S. that this was the place where Iggy Pop grew up. When Linette and I sat down and figured out that we had scraped up enough money to go and make some products, we considered a Crimewave USA shirt. We also talked about a MM.com thong. We decided, however, to do these Ypsilanti products instead because thats where our heart is. We want people to see and appreciate what a weird and wonderful little place this is.

    OK, please think about everything Ive said and go and buy something.

    We love you.

    Dont make us kill the dog. We love her too.

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      2 Comments

      1. Amy
        Posted August 17, 2007 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

        At the gift shop, when trying to order the “ypsipanties,” the link doesn’t work.

        How can I order them??

      2. Posted June 30, 2011 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

        Sorry it’s taken me almost 4 years to respond.

        Can you please give it another try now and let me know how it goes?

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