99.9% pure evil

Jeff Kay wrote in to tell me about an on-line service that can apparently calculate how evil any given website is. Jeff ran a lot of websites though this space-age algorithm and it looks as though mine blew everyone else away on the barometer of evil. Jeff has the results of his scientific study posted here.

I know I shouldnt let it bother me, but I cant stand to think that theres any way in the world that my writing could be almost five times more evil than the 700 Club. What could I have possibly said that would be worse than, pray for these three Supreme Court Justices to die? Perhaps this evil-reading machine, advanced as it is, doesnt know how to read sarcasm What if it doesnt understand that Im merely reporting the news, not saying these things because I believe them? Fuck. What if the decision as to whether a person goes to heaven or hell is based on something like this? What if I end up going to hell because this? Jonathan Swift would be there for advocating the eating of Irish babies and Id be there for being a smart-ass who couldnt keep from making jokes in the wake of Bob Hopes tragic death.

Heres the note from Jeff:

Did you have a chance to read my update today? I ran your site through a calculator of some sort and it came up as “99% evil.” Mine was 16% evil, so I have some work to do.

You’re more evil than Carrot Top.

Im going upstairs to pray now.

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