ok i’m back

Last night was supposed to be all about the blogging, but my brain went haywire…

The night before last, Linette and I were out late, drinking beers at the 8 Ball (one of the last good bars in Ann Arbor) with our friends Scott, David and Andy. By the time we got home, I was too tired to blog. I had to spend what was left of my waking time scrubbing the black 8 Ball stamp off the back of my hand so that it couldnt be spotted in meetings the next day So, last night was supposed to be chance to get caught up. Unfortunately, as is sometimes the case, I had an enormous mental meltdown of the migraine variety.

It happens at least once a year. It may or may not be stress related. I dont know. It usually starts the same way, with blurred of vision. Then, inevitably, my extremities go numb. Ultimately, I begin muttering nonsense. I start forgetting the names of the people I love. I begin asking questions like, What is the white stuff in the shower that you clean yourself with? The stuff that makes lather? No matter how many times I go through these, I always think, This is the time… This time Im never coming out of it. Im just going to keep getting worse and worse. I wont even recognize Linette in a few more hours. Id better say goodbye to her while I still can. As a result, my anxiety escalates. So, on top of everything else, Im a terrified nervous wreck.

I was at the gym when it started this time. I was sitting on a weight bench, staring at a wall, when I noticed that I couldnt really focus on the section of wall that was in my center of vision. I blinked a few times and it didnt go away. There was just a blurry area right in the middle. Having been through this at least ten times in the past ten years, I knew what had to be done. I cleaned out my locker, went to the car, sat down and called Linette to come pick me up. Then I closed my eyes, worried and waited while my arms began to grow tingly.

Its making me panic just writing about it.

Fuck, I could write about this for hours, but its no fun, so Im just going to stop it there. Im better now. It wasnt the end of the world. Lets move on.

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