mr. robertson

When I close my eyes, I can pretend Im the prettiest girl in town.

I guess you guys have heard by now that Pat Robertson has urged his congregation of elderly followers to begin aggressively praying for the gruesome deaths of three liberal Supreme Court Justices. Actually, he says hes praying for their immediate retirement, but I think we all know what he means.

Hes pissed off because the high court, by striking down a Texas law outlawing sodomy, essentially decriminalized gay sex in the U.S. In the mind of Robertson, in doing so theyve opened up the floodgates. Soon there will no doubt by hot brother-on-sister-on-stallion-on-infant sex on every street corner. Fortunately for our nation, he has a vivid imagination when it comes to the cataloging of potential perversions that could plague us.

While others of us are distracted by our concerns about war, terrorism, and the economy, he has stayed focused on the male anus and his quest to make sure it never contains so much as a fraction of an inch of penis. You have to commend him for his laser-like focus on that point of intersection between penis and male anus… He’s a national treasure.

Some of you might think that we as a nation would have better things to debate than what a man is allowed to ejaculate into? Some of you no doubt believe that so long as it happens in private, and outside of children and animals, that it doesnt really matter

OK, I have no idea where I was going with that, so I just decided to stop.

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