tonight i am the bachelor

Linettes out at the bar and Im here with the dog, trying to explain to her that just because Linette would rather drink than be with her doesnt necessarily mean that she doesnt love her.

Actually, Im having fun. Im watching an episode of Columbo on Tivo and eating a Swansons Hungry Man chicken pot pie in my underwear. If I werent married, this is how I would live every day of my life.

If I were not married, I would be at least 400 pounds by now. I am certain of that. I also think that deep canals would be worn in my large, leathery cheeks by the tears. (I see myself crying myself to sleep every night.) I know for a fact, however, that my command of Columbo trivia would be unmatched… I blame Linette for keeping me from my potential.

OK, I have to go and read the Sunday New York Times now. If I don’t get to it by Thursday night, I berate myself for having wasted it.

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