the kisses are hers and hers and his
Last night, I got sucked into the unauthorized Threes Company biopic on NBC. It was a lot like the Gilligans Island one that aired six months or so ago. It was campy, silly and pretty great with a few exceptions. Ill get to those in a minute.

First, it was obviously produced by Joyce DeWitt. She came across like a saint in the whole thing. Everyone else, to varying degrees, came off like a backstabbing, egomaniacal prick.

There were highlights. I liked the part where, once Suzanne Somers husband fucks up her career, gets her thrown off the show, and then introduces her to a wonderful career as a corporate shill for the Thigh Master.

The thing that made me crazy was the fact that Don Knotts was played by a guy who was young enough to have been the grandson of Don Knotts. I was staring at the TV in disbelief when this under-30 year old actor walked out in an ascot and began imitating the voice of Mr. Furley, the character Don made famous. It was absolutely insane. Imagine watching a TV show about the Honeymooners where the part of Jackie Gleason is played by a Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure-era Keanu Reaves with a pillow stuffed up his shirt. I could not fucking believe it. I just sat there thinking, Somewhere, somebodys cock must have got sucked. Or this actors agent has got pictures of a casting director sawing a kids head off. I dont know how to explain it to you other than to say that the guys presence shocked me out of the reality that had been established by the Unauthorized Biography of Threes Company. Chew on that for a minute.

Paling in comparison is my second upsetting observation. The character of Terri, the nurse who moved in with Jack and Janet for the last few seasons of the show, was played by a cow of a woman. (They didnt show her face, just the backside of a huge woman in a nurses uniform standing on the stage with Jack and Janet. She didnt even have one line of dialogue.) It wasnt quite as upsetting as the ascotted boy playing Don Knotts, but it did kind of get me to wondering what the motivation must have been to have chosen a stand-in so obviously not the size of the original actress.

Something tells me that Joyce DeWitt, one, had some sort of weird infatuation with Don Knots, and, two, hated the guts of Priscilla Barnes, the actress who played Terri.

I am spending much too much time on this. I had best get on to other things.

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