smells i like

I like the distinctive smell of ripped up credit cards and of my feet, and of gasoline, and of skunks, and of manure I am Mark Maynard. And, these are five smells that I like.

other smells in the universe
The smell of Private Jessica Lynch when shes told that she does not own the rights to her own life story The smell of the fake barcodes that people are putting on items at Wal-Mart* The smelly smell of Ben Affleck fucking up a role that belongs to Humphrey Bogart** The smell of Lil Bushie appointing someone from the internet advertising firm DoubleClick, the company thats responsible for putting all of those cookies on your computer without your knowledge, the nations first Privacy Czar***

* Embedded RFID tags will eliminate the use of barcodes soon enough, but people are resourceful. Theyll find new ways to fuck with Wal-Mart.

** Seeing Ben Affleck play Humphrey Bogarts role in Casablanca will absolutely kill me. Are there no depths to which American popular culture cannot be dragged? I feel like puking. I feel like Ive just seen Carrot Top playing Jack Bennys role in To Be or Not To Be.

*** In related news, our compassionate President named Jack Kevorkian to run the department of Health and Human Services. (Actually, our new Privacy Czar may not be that bad. I just hate Double Click. Well have to wait and see how she does. Hopefully, shes not just there for PRs sake. Given Bushs record, however, I wouldnt expect that shed have too much power, even if she did want to stand up for the rights of non-CEO Americans.)

stuff mark hasnt even really read yet
Here are a few things that Ive been meaning to read. First, I want to read this FAQ about the proposed National No Call List that I found on April Winchells site. Then, I want to read more about this upcoming transhuman conference that I heard about on BoingBoing. Then, if I can, I want to start, The Muslim Brotherhood: The Globalists Secret Weapon. It could just be classic conspiracy theory, but it looks interesting, and its got more footnotes than the hallway leading to Michael Jacksons bedroom has motion detecting alarms. (I like footnotes.)