im sorry

My April fools joke, the one where every Muslim man and woman in America pulls out and puts on a gas mask at the exact same moment, apparently didnt happen. I think it was a good idea, but I guess not a lot of Muslims read this site. I need an Arabic version of this site.

If theres someone out there that would like to translate this site into Arabic each and every day, Id appreciate it.

Linette tricked me into drinking wine with her when I got home from work today. My plan was to blog for six hours straight. Instead we sat here on the couch, drank wine and watched shows that wed saved on Tivo. I feel lame. There are a lot of good articles I could have pointed you toward, but instead I watched old episodes of Mr. Show and 24. As always, I suck.

My grandmother just emailed to let me know that she bowled a 216 today. Im really happy for her. Shes great. Shes my only living grandparent and I love here so much. My grandfather, her husband, has been dead for over 20 years now. He died the same week that John Lennon did. It was apparently suicide though. Theres so much suicide in my family that it scares me sometimes.

I have a headache now too. Ive had it since noon. Its a throbbing behind my left temple. It feels intermittently like someone is kicking the back of my eyeball and shoving an ice pick through my skull from a point one inch in front of my ear.

I heard the Mayor of Ypsilanti speak today and I was impressed with her. She loves this town of mine as much as I do.

I had a thought today that Id like to make a booklet about Ypsilanti, something that laid out a walking tour of the town, from the bar where I met Linette to the spot in front of the all nude dance club where the guy showed us his fresh stab wound. (Actually, Id focus on more interesting stuff, like the places where Iggy Pop used to live.) I think it would be neat. I could sell it on Michigan Avenue, at my friend Jennifers store. (Shes already agreed to carry any Crimewave USA clothing that we come up with.)

OK, I will now get to the more serious task of war blogging. There are a lot of stories that you need to know about.

Oh, before I get to the real work, I wanted to tell you all about this really weird dream that I had last night. I was traveling through space, or rather I was getting ready to travel through space. I was getting into some kind of space shuttle. The piece that I remember best involves my penis. Instead of a catheter, there was a machine that kind of grabbed onto my penis. I could draw a picture of how this thing operated, but Im afraid that I cant explain it in words. It involved two pieces of plastic that looked like tongue depressors and the application of some kind of foam. There was lots of movement involved too. I woke up thinking that I needed to patent this idea. It really was fantastic Thank God for blogs. If not for this blog, that idea would have stayed contained in my own head. Now its in yours.

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