Happy Easter everyone. Im not terribly religious, but I have a soft spot for Easter. It seems to me like one of the better second-tier holidays. It ushers in the spring, symbolizes rebirth, and hasnt been co-opted by big business to the extent that some of the other holidays have been. Theres no expensive gift giving. Theres no handing out free candy to lazy strangers who feel as though theyre entitled to it. If you can somehow sidestep the religion, theres just dying eggs, hiding eggs, and eating chocolate bunny rabbits It rained a bit here today, but, even with the rain, it was beautiful outside. Weve got the windows open now and its nice outside. Theres a breeze. The birds are chirping. It smells like spring. It smells clean because of the rain. This, I have decided, is a good Easter.
This morning, when I was out walking the dog, a man stopped me and asked if I knew where he could find a crisis center. He was obviously distraught. His head, large and meaty, was dripping sweat. I pointed out where I thought one was down the street, but he told me that hed already tried there and that theyd gone out of business or closed up shop for some reason. I told him that there was a womens crisis center down the road a little ways that they might be able to help him. He didnt seem interested in that idea. He said, Im going to tell you a long and strange story. I thought that maybe he was looking to get into a rehab program. He didnt mention drugs though. He said something about having to drive to Flint to pick up his wife. He said that he didnt have enough gas to get there though, and that he had been walking around Ypsilanti for four hours and that no one would help him. He said that hed even been to the police station.
I didnt let him get to the strange part. (I wasnt, at the time, thinking about content for MM.com.) For some reason, I decided to give him ten dollars. I dont know what it was. People stop me and ask me for money every now and then and I never give them money. They usually say that its for gas. The same guy stopped me here in my front yard on two different days, less than one week apart, with the exact same story about having just run out of gas up the block. Once, a woman asked me for money so that she could buy gas. I told her that I didnt have money handy, but that I had some gas she could have, if she could bring back the can. She took the gas, walked out of my yard, and never came back. As a result of these kinds of things, Ive become pretty suspicious of people stopping me on the street and asking for gas money.
Im not sure what was different today. Maybe its because he was actually standing by a car. Maybe he just seemed believable. I know theres a pretty good chance that he drove away and bought crack or methamphetamine with the money Id given him, but I decided to take the risk. I gave him the money anyway. It didnt dawn on me until I was walking away that it was Easter Sunday. Maybe, subconsciously, that had something to do with it. Im just glad, now that Im thinking about it, that he didnt crack me over the head with a pipe once Id pulled my billfold out.
The thought also crossed my mind, and Im embarrassed to say this, that it would be kind of neat if he were an angel or something. Maybe, I thought, Ill be going to heaven now. Maybe he was Jesus, just coming down here to test people. If what he said was true, and if hed really been asking people for four hours on Easter morning, and if I was the first person to help him, then I think that things must look pretty good for me, right?
Now for something completely different: Linette and I just had a conversation that included the phrase masturbating sun dial.
