as if I could possibly have a longer, thicker, more perfect penis

I received an email from a fellow by the name D. Smallwood yesterday. It was followed by another email, the subject line of which read, Enlarge Your Penis. Ive known Mr. Smallwood for the past few months now and Ive restrained myself thus far from making even the smallest of jokes. You have no idea how difficult that has been for me Do you know the scene in the film The Wolfman where Lon Chaney Jrs character ties himself to the chair, hoping to keep himself from killing that evening, once the full moon comes out? Its like that. I saw the name Smallwood and I began tying myself to the chair in my office. Eventually though, the urge got too strong for me. That happened when I saw Enlarge Your Penis right there next to Smallwood. I though that I was going to die. I had to show it to someone. I couldnt contain myself. It was like I was back in the sixth grade.

Well, the elation of that moment eventually passed, after I pointed it out to Linette, and I got on with my emailing. In the process, I decided to open the Enlarge Your Penis email out of curiosity. This is what I found awaiting me:

Hi Mark it’s Andy (Monarchs).

I was just checking to see if you had spam filtering on. I filter the words penis and viagra.

Yes, it was Andy, a fellow I hadnt seen in nearly one dozen years, since the last time our bands, The Monarchs (his) and Prehensile Monkey-tailed Skink (mine), played a show together. Here he was again, all those years later, testing me to see if I would go for the large cock bait.

I had no choice by to admit to it. I wrote back, I have my filtering set to only accept mail that carries with it the promise of a longer, thicker penis.

Sometimes fighting the accusation only makes it worse.

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