old fashioned police work

I saw the following quote in the Washington Times yesterday:

“Two al Qaeda suspects were taken into custody as they tried to enter the United States after their fingerprints were matched with ones lifted by U.S. military officials from documents found in caves in Afghanistan, law-enforcement authorities said yesterday.”

I was surprised that I didn’t read about it anywhere else yet. It seemed to me like a great success, one of the first I can remember in a long time. (If it is true, I don’t think that they should have made it public, however.) It also struck me that they didn’t catch these guys with a system like the Total Information Awareness database that’s being tested out by the Bush administration. They didn’t cross-reference grocery store purchases, video rental records and travel itineraries, and then match those against some theoretical terrorist profile. No, they went into a terrorist lair and took fingerprints and then shared those with INS agents working the US ports of entry. And it worked, or at least it seems to have worked. You can draw your own conclusions. I’m of the opinion, however, that we need a lot more of this kind of intelligence gathering and a lot less of the variety that requires the constant tracking of innocent American citizens.

lazy woman angers mark maynard, ruins his saturday
I saw a large woman this afternoon at the grocery store. I’m guessing that she was around 275 pounds. She wasn’t morbidly obese, but she was big. She was in one of the store’s mechanized carts, which I’m assuming that they provide for the elderly and the handicapped. I didn’t think anything of it when I saw her. I just noted that there was a large women on wheels and then went about finding the least expensive corn chips.

Later, as she rolled by me, down the cookie isle, I pushed my cart to the side and made room for her. A moment later, when I saw her stopped and looking up at something on the top shelf, I thought I’d offer to help her get what it was that she wanted. No sooner had I taken a step toward her, however, than she was out of the mechanical contraption and on her tippy-toes, reaching for the box of treats she was after.

Disclaimer: I have no problem with fat people. I myself carry around a few more pounds than is probably healthy and it just so happens that one of the people I admire most here on earth is a fellow I used to work for who tips the scales at around 500 pounds. (note: I also have a Jewish freind, an Asian friend, a Hispanic friend, a gay friend and a lesbian friend. I am even friends with some people who I don’t know what they are.) The problem I have is not with large people, but with people who are absolutely capable of walking around a grocery store but don’t do it because they’re fucking lazy.

If you’d seen the way that this woman sprang up out of that chair for those cookies… it was like a great white shark after a raft of made of rare pork roasts. She vaulted out of that chair, and there’s no way that you could convince me that she couldn’t make it around the store without the assistance of robotics.

My question for you is this: Is it legal for a woman like this, assuming that she was as healthy and agile as she appeared to be, to use this mechanized cart? If so, if they’re just there for anyone, could I use one? I always thought that they, like handicapped parking spots, were for people who really needed them. Maybe this shit happens all the time, but this was my first experience with someone in one of these that clearly didn’t need to be in one. Maybe I haven’t been paying attention though. It blew my fucking mind and, as I do at least once a day now, made me feel sick to my stomach about what this country has become.

My guess is that she sat in the parking lot in her SUV and called into Kroger’s to tell them to bring her this smaller, in-store vehicle. She probably complained too because it didn’t have a cup-holder and all the amenities that she was accustomed to.

I was trying to think of a good name for this phenomenon, but I’m having trouble. How does “chariot of veal” sound? No, that implies that it’s beyond their control. Let me keep thinking. This is one of the saddest things I’ve ever had to contemplate.

snuggling up with rodents
Linette believes that in ancient times people would curl up and sleep with bags full of rats. She says that the heat from the rats kept them warm. If anyone can verify this and tell me how folks would round up a bag full of rats every night, I will give you a free copy of the new Crimewave. You have to be able to prove it to me though. I want to see documentation.

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