lance loud dies on pbs

If I weren’t such a negative guy, I guess I could look at it like a small victory in a way. It was, after all, the closest to the gym I had come in over a month.

I actually got my car into the parking lot this time.

The place was hopping. I sat there for a minute or two, in my car, and waited for a parking space to open up, and then, when I was sufficiently afraid that one might, I high-tailed it home like I was being chased by the archdiocese of Boston. I got home, grabbed a meatloaf sandwich and flopped down on the couch in front of Tivo.

Halfway through PBS’s new Lance Loud documentary, the Tivo crapped out. It pissed us off, but Linette and I were able to catch it on regular TV later. (It was good.) We also caught an episode of the original 1973 series, “An American Family,” the show that introduced the world to reality television and made Lance Loud the first star of that genre. It’s amazing in a way that it took us 30 years to go from that (which was and still is brilliant) to “Joe Millionaire.” I’m tempted to go off on a tangent here about reality television and the Loud family, but I’ll save it for later. For now, I’ll just quote Lance Loud.

“Television ate my family” -Lance Loud

If you haven’t seen the original series before, take this opportunity to watch it. (The original series is playing this month on PBS along with the documentary on Lance’s death.) And if you get a chance to see “Lance Loud: A Death in An American Family,” it’s also worth the time. It only seems fitting that he would chose to spend his last moments on television, working through the issues that were set in motion by the series that digested his family some thirty years earlier. (Of particular interest to me was the mention of his ongoing pen pal relationship with Andy Warhol, begun when he was 13, about five years before the filming of the documentary series. I knew that they had known one another in New York, but I assumed that they had met after the airing of the series, once Lance was himself a celebrity.)

and tivo’s dead too
Linette called the Tivo company today and they said that the unit was fried. The hard drive crashed. We have to send it back to them for a new one. We fucking lost our copy of “Pootie Tang” (which Linette told me while drunk was her favorite movie of all time) in the process. And all of our hard work in programming it (by telling it that we liked “Degrassi Jr. High,” hated Rosie O’Donnell, and stuff like that) was wasted. I feel like we’re being taught a lesson for worshiping the false idol of Tivo. Or, maybe I’m just being punished for making fun of God’s sport, Christian Paintball.

moron reality television
The New York Times ran a good article today on the most recent
lawsuits against the producers of reality television shows. There are some claims of truly amazing things making their way through the courts. Peter Funt, son of Alan Funt, founder of “Candid Camera,” apparently forced a man to go through the x-ray machine at an airport security checkpoint. Funt was dressed as an airport security guard and he made some guy crawl into the machine, along with the purses and laptops. According to accounts, the guy emerged on the other side “bruised and bloody.”

Then there’s the couple in Las Vegas who was held and questioned by fake police officers after finding what they thought was a dead body in their hotel room. After holding them and accusing them of murder, MTV (who was behind the stunt) and the shows producers thought the couple would laugh it off and agree to let the episode air. Instead, they found a lawyer.

Here’s the article.

“It breaks my heart to find myself within the cesspool of reality TV shows.” -PETER FUNT, host of “Candid Camera”

my wife’s big chance
Someone who knows Linette through her work apparently called her today to see if she was available to go out this evening with an eligible “Chinese Hispanic” man. “He’s in town,” she was told, “for the auto show.” She said no, or at least that’s what she told me. My guess is that she said no to the date, but didn’t let on that she was married, just in case something better came along, like a African American Chinese man in town for a Boat Show.

So, now I know that my wife’s name is in some special corporate rolodex that gets accessed when high-rolling gentlemen come to town on business. I guess that’s another feather in my cap.

ebay emasculation
It is with some embarrassment that I confess my complete and total failure as an Ebay entrepreneur. I suck. I know that in the hands of a more capable leader, these items would have flown off the shelf. Unfortunately, I suck.

dolls eyes
No one got back to me about wanting to sell a Whitney Houston CD, or about any grapefruit that they might have available. So, I think it’s probably not worth my time to say that I’m looking for a bag of doll eyes.

I’m getting ready to give my business to either this place or this one and I’d really much rather give my business to someone who reads this site. So, please let me know if you have doll eyes for sale. I don’t think I need to tell you how important this is to me.

illegal art
I wrote a month or so ago about an art exhibition put together by Carrie McLaren, the editor of Stay Free magazine. Well, the show, focusing on the art created from copywritten material (thus making the art itself illegal), finally got some coverage in the New York Times.

To find out about the exhibition (which will be leaving New York for Chicago shortly) click here. To read the article that ran in the NYTimes, click here.

please, I beg of you, look at my cock for peace
It looks like a bunch of folks are planning to get nude on January 18 to protest our upcoming war with Iraq.

Here’s a quote from the Associated Press report.

“One hundred thousand women and men will strip on Jan. 18 in Washington D.C. and San Francisco for the huge national peace march in protest of the stripping of constitutional rights by a government intent on war,” said Donna Sheehan, founder of Unreasonable Women Baring Witness in Point Reyes Station. “Our message to women all over the world is be bold, be courageous, be vulnerable for peace.”

According to the article, this is the most recent in a string of “nudism for peace” events. One of the earlier ones consisted of several nude men lying on the ground in the formation of a peace sign. (And I didn’t believe the Republicans when they said that “Sesame Street” was evil.)

or just touch my balls
You have no idea how happy it makes me to follow that story with this link. I just found this piece at my friend Amy Fusselman’s site, and it brought a smile to my face. By the time I finished, I really wanted to find the author of this piece and…

Here are just the first three sections. It gets funnier as it goes on.

Why You Should Touch My Balls
by Will Ratblood

You’d be surprised how much fun it is to touch my balls.

I don’t have any diseases, but even if I did, you couldn’t get them from simply touching my balls. It is a safe thing to do.

Not many people have ever seen, let alone touched, my balls. A few doctors, some women, the occasional postman here or there, but very few people. People will listen in rapt attention when you tell them this tale. Tons of people have been to Chartre Cathedral. How many can brag that they’ve touched my balls?

To read the entire piece, all you need to do is click here.

OK, I’m tired and I need to go to bed and dream up stuff to worry about tomorrow.

Good night my invisible friends.

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