A bird got into the house yesterday when I was at work. Linette called in a panic. It flew down the chimney and it was sitting behind the fire screen, looking at her with its unblinking yellow eyes. Linette hates birds… So, today, I have to go to Home Depot and buy some kind of wire mesh to cover the top of the chimney with. Linette can’t sleep until I’ve “bird-proofed” our home. This means that for the first time ever, I’ve got to get out on the roof, which sits at something like a seventy degree angle, and pull my fat ass up toward the smokestack. To further complicate things, the roof is covered in ice… This, perhaps moreso than our marriage itself, symbolizes how much I both love and fear Linette… I know I will break my neck today, but yet I’m headed up there anyway.

Goodbye my loyal readers.