freedom sucks

Every once in a while, an article comes to my attention that makes me want to move to Yemen and join the Jihad against the west. This is one of those articles.

For those of you too lazy to follow the link, here’s how the Wired article starts:

For $25 a month, “Lil’ Amber” fans can ogle pictures of the little girl coyly hiking up her miniskirt or posing in a bikini on a faux bearskin rug. For $50, they can purchase a video of Amber “dancing and running around” in outfits that leave little to the imagination… The money goes to her college fund, the site says… Lil’ Amber is one of several websites featuring “models” as young as 9 owned by Webe Web Corporation, an Internet hosting company in Florida. A list of the sites is available at Child Super Models…

Linette and I are practically shut-ins. We don’t get out much. And, when we do socialize, it’s usually not with pedophiles. (Call us provincial.) Maybe if we did, this kind of shit wouldn’t be so shocking to me.

Shortly after Jean Benet Ramsey was found murdered, we watched something like an episode of Frontline on the subject of child beauty pageants. It was absolutely sickening. Not only was there the stuff you’d imagine, like white trash families selling their trailer homes to pay the entrance fees so that their kid could compete for a chance to win a plastic tiara, but there was this whole other level of incomprehensible activity. Apparently, the organizers of these little beauty pageants, you know, the ones where five year olds get slutted up to look like truckstop hookers and stalk down the runway, signing suggestive lyrics, sell one-day photo passes to men who describe themselves as “amateur photographers.” What’s worse, the parents who enter their kids in these things seem to be comfortable with the fact that pedophiles are sitting around the runway snapping up-the-skirt shots of their little kid.

So, what’s my point? I don’t know. I just wanted to share my outrage. I’m not a huge fan of big government, but these kids should be taken from their parents. Can you imagine what kind of parent would take photos like this and sell memberships for $25 a month. I can’t imagine anyone being delusional to the point of thinking that these kids would have fans with anything on their minds other than molestation. Is it conceivable that even one non-pedophile would shell out $300 bucks a year to look at pictures of a beauty pageant contestant?

I need to change subject now.

Keep this in mind the next time you think that your parents suck though.

On a Much Happier Note

Tiny fuel cell runs on human glucose!

Deep in his basement laboratory at the University of California, Berkeley professor Liwei Lin holds what may become one of the most innovative medical devices in recent years… And it has nothing to do with pedophilia!!!

Check out the story here.


In keeping with the editorial policy I’ve laid out here- Pedophilia stories are always followed by High Tech stories, which in turn are always followed by uneducated political musings. You can set your watch by it. I call it the trifecta of good journalism…

I was listening to a radio call-in show on NPR this evening on my way home from work and someone made an interesting comment concerning our impending war with Iraq. In this caller’s opinion, it was necessary that we do something about Iraq because if we didn’t, Israel would take action. According to this theory, we would have to take action and thus pre-empt any strike being planned by Israel. If Israel led an attack, it would almost certainly lead to an escalation in the area. I know that we asked Israel to sit out during the first war with Iraq, during the senior Bush’s administration, for that very reason, so this makes some sense to me.

Who knows how things will play out? During the Gulf War, Iraq hit Israel with something on the order of about a dozen scud missiles and Israel did not retaliate. This time, they have come out and said that they would not be as likely to sit back and accept such an attack. What’s more, I don’t get the impression from their current administration that they would sit still and do nothing if it could be proven that Sadam Husein was attempting to acquire a nuclear device which he could then arm and deliver across their border.

Worst case scenario: We attack Iraq without the backing of the UN, Iraq delivers a few scuds packed with weaponized biological contaminants to Israel, Israel drops a nuclear device on Iraq, the middle east, already battier than a room-full of Jacksons, loses its shit.

…so enjoy “Lil’ Amber” while you can.

Posted in Observations, Other, Politics, Rants | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

david cross

I was going to write more here on the subject of our interview yesterday with David Cross, but I think I’ll save it for an article in the new issue of Crimewave. Since the interview was relatively short, I think we’re going to try to transcribe it over the weekend and get it into the new issue… which still hasn’t gone to press. All I can really add right now is that it was awkward. And, it wasn’t awkward because of his intimidating wit or anything. He was very bright and well-spoken, but that’s not what put me off. What screwed me up was the fact that he was really serious about his craft. Maybe that sounds weird, but I was expecting for him to say that it was dumb luck that he’d gotten to the heights that he had gotten to. For Christ’s sake, he was in Men In Black I and II.

I was expecting for him to say, “Hey I’m just like you. I got some lucky breaks though. Sometimes it’s like I’m in a dream.” Instead he talked about his craft and the fact that he got to where he was through hard work and by having good ideas. I’m sure he’s right about that. I think he’s a funny guy and, although I didn’t see the episode of ‘Just Shoot Me’ where he played a comically-retarded individual, I’m sure he’s a really good actor. I understand that, but, at the same time, I find it odd.

Maybe that’s because the people that I admire rarely reach such heights. Maybe it’s because the people I admire, if they do become famous, have more of a sense of not belonging. Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s the sense I get from him that he thinks he belongs. It’s an intangible kind of feeling, but maybe that’s what it is. It’s not that he’s arrogant. He’s not. And it’s not that he comes across as though he’s entitled. He doesn’t. But there’s a sense of comfortableness that I wasn’t expecting.

I do find it admirable that he left LA and moved to New York. He’d be the first to acknowledge some of the bad things about LA, the superficiality of it all. He’s sensitive to those kinds of things, but yet there’s something about him that just seems a bit, not smug, but comfortable.

Yup, I’m faulting the guy for being “comfortable” with his fame.

Forget I said any of that. It’s bullshit. David Cross is a good guy, a funny guy. He’s the kind of guy that deserves his fame. He is, like Don Knotts and Tim Conway before him, a truly gifted comedian and comedic actor.

Bravo, David Cross.

the axe, where will it fall?

In order to squeeze in the interview with David Cross, something else has got to go. That means that Linette and I have to decide which contributor we like the least, or, to be more correct, which contributor we are least afraid of.

So, who will it be? Will it be Dawn, who submitted a story about her pregnancy? She is, after all, still weak from childbirth. And she lives an hour away from us. She also seems to be a forgiving person. That peculiar combination of attributes might just spell her doom.

Or, will it be Jeff Kay, who is always stepping into my spotlight, stealing away my attention with his own crude musings on past adventures and such. He has, for this issue, written a nice little piece on working at a grocery store during his high school years. I worked in a grocery store during my high school years and I haven’t written anything funny about it yet. Maybe we should cut his contribution, if only for that reason.

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Pass this stone

We’re going to work on Crimewave now and we’re going to finish the damned thing, so help me God.

Please don’t call till tomorrow. Please leave us alone. As much as we love you all, you are slowing us down.

Posted in Crimewave USA, Other | Tagged | Leave a comment

Buy car, meet David Cross


Shit. It’s been a busy day. I bought the new hybrid car and Linette and I got to meet David Cross, one of the two guys behind the HBO cult hit “Mr Show.” The interview went OK. It didn’t go well, but it didn’t go horribly. I didn’t vomit and Linette didn’t cry, but we also didn’t exactly make a new best friend.

I always anticipate the worst when we meet a celebrity, but, in the back of my mind, at the same time, I’m half expecting for things to go really, really well. In this case, things didn’t go really well. We weren’t asked backstage, we weren’t asked out for drinks after the show, we weren’t given tickets, we weren’t asked to join them for the tour. It was just an interview. In that sense, it was probably our first real interview. He was a real nice guy and he sat down with us for about a half an hour, but it wasn’t the good kind of conversational interview we strive for. We never broke through the ice. It was, for the most part, just us asking questions and him answering.

I could write a lot more on this subject, but Linette needs to get on the computer and I need to watch Survivor.

Oh, the worst part is that I forgot to have him get his picture taken with us. That pisses me off more than anything.

Posted in Alternative Energy, Art and Culture, Crimewave USA, Global Warming, Other, Pop Culture | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

on my own

Linette’s volunteering in downtown Detroit tonight, something to do with the non-profit our friend Monica works for in Mexican Town. I should have gone with her, but I was mentally overwhelmed. Tomorrow afternoon I’m supposed to be buying the rolling douche bag transporter and I can’t stop worrying about it. “What if my truck breaks down tomorrow before I can trade it in?” “What if I get the new car out on the highway to bring it home and it doesn’t go over 30 miles an hour?” “What if people laugh and point at me when I’m stopped at lights.” I’ve got enough to think about without throwing a trip to Detroit into the mix. (Is Detroit still the Murder Capital of the US?) So, it looks like me, a frozen pot pie and a new episode of Bernie Mac… I don’t think there’s any booze in the house. That’s probably a good thing.

Oh, speaking of Bernie Mac, I love his show, but I recently caught a bit of his stand-up routine on cable and it was absolutely terrible. It was CarrotTop-terrible! If I were Bernie Mac, I’d imediately find the producer of the Bernie Mac Show and throw my arms around him. (“Throw my arms around” origionally read “blow”, but I wanted to keep things family friendly tonight.) And, I’d keep hugging him until the cops pulled me off. Bernie Mac owes that man his life.

Posted in Mark's Life, Other | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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